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Saul Epstein was taking an oral exam, applying for his citizenship papers.

He was asked to spell "cultivate", and he spelled it correctly. He was then asked to use the word in a sentence, and with a big smile, responded:

"Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a bus, but it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home".



A Rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck". At the next Friday night service, the rabbi announced, "I have known manypeople who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name... and forgot to write a letter.


I know this should be three jokes, but I must include these elephant jokes for dermatologist Sharon, in NY:

Where do elephants with skincare problems go? Pachydermatologists.
What would you get if Batman and Robin were run over by a herd of stampeding elephants?
Flatman and Ribbon.

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant if you're color blind?
Dance on it for a while. If you don't get any wine, it's an elephant.
How can you tell when an elephant is getting ready to charge?
He asks if you accept Visa.

Why are elephants large, lumpy, and grey?
Because if they were small, round, and white, they'd be asprins.
What sound do you get when you drop an elephant down a mineshaft?
A-flat minor.



Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "oy". The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy". The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our children".